So ya I am going to actually blog today! This weekend was very fun and hilarious with my girls. Took them on a road trip out to the plains for a concert, Luke Bryan and Josh Turner, yes they were awesome. First of all the little fair we went to was the perfect place to watch people, I am pretty sure the branches from those trees do not go very far.

I was sitting next to a woman and her husband and when Josh Turner asked if there was anyone in the audience that was in love everyone started clapping and yelling. The man asked his wife why she was not clapping and she turned to him and said, "Because I am fuckin around on you" Seriously, what the hell is this world coming to that this chick would do this at a concert full of people and think it was OK. I almost had a heart attack but it made the night even more interesting.

On the way home we drove the two hours laughing and joking the whole time. My mom and my daughters 15 and 14 were joking and laughing the whole time. It was midnight and I think they were a little tired so they entertained each other with singing and talking about aliens.

Just before we got home my beloved 14 year old who is an airhead thought she saw something standing in the middle of the road, which in turn basically spooked us all and we figured Jason was going to come out any second and kill us. For some reason my car doors would not lock so we used that to scare ourselves even more.

I am pretty sure we have not had that much fun in a long time. For entertainment I think we are going to start taping our car rides because that is when we have the most fun!

Although I believe this one is complete bull I found i very humorous and figured I would share!
Sorry about the photos but I had a little problem with my computer but they will be back soon!


Why Men Are Happier
Men are just happier people, and here's why...
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all of your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

Are You a Child of the 80s?
1. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair "...and can do the "Carlton".
2. You rember when girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
3. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
4. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
5. Two words: Hammer Pants.
6. You watched "Fraggle Rock ".
7. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your bike wheel spokes for that incredible sound effect.
8. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales ". (Woo ooh!)
9. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
10. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen... and still know the turtles names.
15. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
16. You wore stonewashed Jordache jeans and jean jackets and were proud of it.
17. You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing " and all the Ramona books.
18. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
19. You remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
20. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
21. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
22. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
23. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
24. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - "You Give Love a Bad Name". 25. You went to a roller skating rink before there were inline skates.
26. You owned a bannana clip.
27. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
28. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
29. You remember Wendy's "Where's the Beef?" ad campaign.
30. You're still humming "shot through the heart...and you're to blame..." aren't you?!

Top 10 Rejected New Fall TV Shows
10. Trading Infections - People with various diseases rub open wounds on each other. Whoever survives, wins.

9. Red Green's Anatomy - Red Green gets naked and explores his anatomy.

8. America's Next Top Kiss Ass - The best brown-nosers vie for a mediocre job.

7. Law and Order: Special Ed Unit - Mentally challenged adults try to solve crimes, but instead get frustrated and bang their heads on tables.

6. L3tt3rs - An English professor uses his knowledge of grammar and Shakespeare to solve crimes in Omaha.

5. Extreme Makeover: Whore Edition - NYC prostitutes get makeovers then star on the next season of The Bachelor.

4. Lost: Sahara - Ten survivors of a Saharan plane crash slowly die of hunger and dehydration.

3. CSI: Akron - Crime scene investigators solve their toughest cases yet in this glitzy and glamorous city.

2. Deal, No Deal, or Sex with the Woman Holding the Briefcase - What will these men do? Will they take the money and run, or will they take their chances with the hotties holding the case.

1. America's Fattest Losers - Stand up comedians poke fun at fatties until they cry. The comedian who gets them to cry first wins.

Kids Say The Darndest Things
Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute, very enlightening, and amusing.

What Is The Proper Age To Get Married?
"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tommy, 5)

What Do Most People Do On A Date?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she will want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)

The Great Debate: Is It Better To Be Single Or Married?
"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

Concerning Why Love Happens Between Two People:
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

On What Falling In Love Is Like:
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long a time to learn." (Leo, 7)

On The Role Of Good Looks In Love And Romance:
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary,7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." (David, 8)

Confidential Opinions About Love:
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when The Simpsons' are on TV." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

Personal Qualities Necessary To Be A Good Lover:
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."(Ava, 8)

Some Surefire Ways To Make A Person Fall In Love With You:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

How Can You Tell If Two Adults Eating Dinner At A Restaurant Are In Love?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)

What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You":
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)

How A Person Learns To Kiss:
"You learn it right on the spot, when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." (Doug, 7)

"It might help if you watched soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you.... that's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

How To Make Love Endure:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

"Don't forget your wife's name . . . that will mess up the love." (Roger, 8)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out." (Randy, 8)

Top 10 Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
Filed in: Funny Lists, Jokes, Work Jokes

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper."

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

6. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"

5. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

2. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands!"

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

1. "Amen"

Had a great weekend with my girls and now I have to actually get back to work! YUK!! Have a restful day before the work week starts!!


The F-word
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is the word "Fuck." It is the one magical word, which, just by it's sound describes pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "Fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (Mary doesn't really give a fuck); or an adverb (Mary is really fucking interested in John); and as a noun, (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you see, there are very few words with the versatility of "Fuck."

Besides it's sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

It can be used in an anatomical description ---- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time ---- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business ---- "How did I end up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal ---- as in "Motherfucker."

Famous F-word Quotes:
"What the fuck was that?" -- Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" -- General Custer
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" -- Captain of the Titanic
"That's not a real fucking gun." -- John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?" -- Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll." -- Anne Boleyn
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." -- Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" -- Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" -- Michaelangelo
"Why?- Because its fucking there!" -- Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" -- Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking showers my ass." -- Noah
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." -- John F. Kennedy