63 Ways To Piss Off A Cop
63 Ways To Piss Off A Cop

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......

5. Ask if you can see his gun.

6. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him by his first name.

11. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

12. When he says no, cry.

13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

15. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

16. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.

17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first"

18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.

19. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."

20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.

21. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.

22. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"

23. Trip and fall into him.

24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.

25. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.

26. Chew on the pen, nervously.

27. Clean your ear with the pen.

28. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.

29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar.....

30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.

31. Act like you are retarded.

32. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

33. Mumble to yourself.

34. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?

35. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of you here tonight.......

36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.

37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!

38. Ask if he watches Cops.

39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.

40. Giggle if he did.

41. Talk to your hand.

42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.

43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.

44. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin.

45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.

46. Try to sell him your car.

47. Ask if you can buy his car.

48. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.

49. Play with the siren.

50. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.

51. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner

52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er.

53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.

54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.

55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.

56. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.

57. Turn your head and whistle.

58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do with that.

59. If you are female, say I don't do that on the first date.

60. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.

61. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"

62. Tell him you like men in uniform.

63. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party

Good Monday Morning!! Sorry no Post this weekend but we had a great time at the Keith Urban Concert!! Very tired still but we awesome!



Famous Booze Quotes
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
--Timothy Walsh

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--Anonymous

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
--Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson

So, typing and in pain still!! Yes I am a whiner!! TGIF!! so happy today is the weekend!! Yes going to a concert this weekend!! Keith Urban!! Too hot! I was thinking I would have to just put the lists on the blog this weekend so sorry!!

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Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge


HAHAHAHAHA Have A Great Day!!!
LB

Seriously, once again was gonna publish a list but I have something else to bitch about!! So had to have these injections in my elbows because I really did not want surgery to remove these deposits that have appeared. So I was given the option to have injections to dissolve the stuff in there. All good until Matahari the torture Queen is the one who is giving me the shot.

Silly woman enjoyed cause me pain. She was laughing and joking with the other nurse in there about how she would hate to have injections like these. At the same time she is sticking this 12 foot needle in my elbow saying you will feel a little pressure. Pressure? Really? My ass!!!

IT HURT!! I think I wish I could stick it her eye and say a little pressure here!!

I think that a pre-req for being a torture expert, I want to take that class cause then I will use it on people who are pissing me off!! Plus, just got off the phone with my mother who had lost her mojo of delivering the specific amount of sympathy needed to help my pain.

Seriously, today is just sucking!!!

LB

Good Morning all!!

Well I was going to post something funny but I had to change me mind because last night I went to a birthday dinner for a friend. It was alot of fun, just laughed and talked over BBQ. Which reminds me, never eat alot of BBQ and then expect to sleep that night. My stomach was uncomfortably full and it was bad! Anyway, once again I digress, so I went to the restroom there and much to my surprise there were two women in there who were drunk off their asses which was really not the bad part. i am always the first to encourage fun when you have a driver. These two women were talking about their weights which I might add were close to anorexic stage. Blah, Blah, the doctor said I have to eat and my husband said put a few pounds on. Then just when I was going to finish and open my door and slap these chicks upside the head before I walked out. one of then went into the stall next to me a stuck her finger down her throat and purged. OMG, seriously, I almost lost my dinner from the noise. What the hell is wrong with the world that they think this is socially acceptable?

So I left the bathroom and went back to my table still trying to process what those chicks were doing. I refused to say anything at the table because my friends were still eating. Then as my friends mom pulled out the gourmet cupcakes she had brought that were sooooo full of fat and sugar it added weight to my ass just looking at them, I saw the pair from the bathroom with their spouses sitting a few feet away. Normally i would never have done this but because I have become very bold in my old age. I excused myself again to the restroom but on the way stopped at the table and smiled at the strangers who looked up at my with a polite smile trying to figure out who I was. I bent down looked at the woman who I knew threw up in the bathroom and said to her spouse next to her. "I would offer you all a cupcake but considering your wife just threw up the expensive dinner you bought in the bathroom earlier it would go to waste. Get her help" and I walked away.

Just saying, we all need to watch out for each other!

LB

So seriously I would have thought this would have been easier than in has been! Sorry it took so long to get this site up!!

So at long last I will be posting again daily and Yes I have alot of new things that people have sent me. before I do this though I feel it is my duty to actually post the blog today!! Because I of course have something I must complain about!

I am going to go to the movies next week and do not feel bad about saying it is to the train wreck we all see coming. The movie shall remain nameless (vampires) but I have been asked several questions about this and I want to share my opinion. So please take it for what it is worth which is absolutely nothing.

I think the movies have been terrible after the first one and really I do not think she is so big that she can do the same thing a Harry Potter and split the final movie. Really? There is that much information after just three books? I do not think so!! the whole pedophile thing should be cut from the movie and that will take about a third of if off so really there is no need to separate. Also the sex, gone!!!! Basically we are looking at a 35 minute movie! Sorry that's just my opinion.

Also i wanted to update you on the sign dancer that wears a turban. If you have all be reading this you would know my daughter had been waving etc to the man. I am pretty sure at this point there is a terrorist plot here in Colorado and he is leading but that's not what I am blogging about today!

The sign dancer has been moving around town for various different companies and I am happy to report he has know moved closer to my sub division!! Who the heck hires this guy so much!! HE JUST STANDS THERE!! creeping me out today!!

Now I also have a few funnies to add!!

LB

Today!!!!

Welcome to the new blog!!!!

Sorry about the confusion but this was not my idea!! It was all someone elses fault because I had tooo many people on my other blog you overloaded the blog site hahaha! I will be updating daily again!

Too much has been going on I really do not think I can blog!! I will start tomorrow with the first in the am!!