Bumper Stickers Collection

Jokes

Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
Worry, God knows all about you.
- Frank Warmerdam
Jesus is coming, look busy!
- Alan Bennett
Jesus loves you! (everyone else thinks you're an asshole!)
- Scott Mays
JESUS SAVES... But Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!!
- Scott Mays
I've found Jesus... He's in my trunk
- anonymous
Suicide is a way of telling God 'you can't fire me, I QUIT!'
-Todd Rudolph
I have nothing against god, it's his followers that I can't stand
-Brian E. Aronson
Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over
-Alex Grushow
Geez if you belive in honkus.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
- Letitia Yao
I FOUND JESUS...he's in the truck of my car...you can see him for five dollars.
Born again pagan.
- Letitia Yao
God, please protect me from your followers.
- Russ Bergs
God is living in Canada and doesn't want to get involved!
- Russ Bergs

Do I look like a Hemroid? Then get off my ass
-William Mount
Backoff I'm a postal worker.
-William Mount
Of course you're faster, but I'm driving in front of you.
-Alfred Stoffels
Now that you are on my ass you wanna get married?
-Eddie Walters
I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it call a cop!
-Christina Ramer
I'm not tailgaiting I'm drafting!
- anonymous
I am a slow moving disciple of the Swami Procrastinada
- Stephanie Martin
If you can read this, your to close. (Written in brail)
- Josh Walters
If you can read this, you're in phaser range
- Dan Hecker
Too Close for Missiles, Switching to Guns
- Mike Kleiner
Do Not Tailgate. Or I Will Flick a Booger on Your windshield!
- anonymous
I'm not in heat SO GET OFF MY TAIL!
- Sarah Rhodes

Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.
- Scot Colburn
This car protected by a pissed off mother with a .45 auto.
-Colobus Martin
Hold on before you pass, I'm reloading.
-Colobus Martin
I have PMS and a gun.....excuse me, did you have something to say?
-Lisa Kennedy
Happiness is an automatic weapon with a belt feed
- Kevin Kilbey
Driver carries only $20 worth of ammunition
- Many People
I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!
- Jennifer Lipori
This car protected by Smith & Wesson
- Andrea Curry
Fight crime, shoot back
- Remy Barnes
If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children
- Nancy Lutz
Gun control means using both hands!
- Barry Bean
Gun control is being able to hit your target
- Alex Grushow
Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier
- Skylar Sutton

My karma ran over your dogma.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
- Many different people
Caution! Driver's applying make-up
- anonymous
CAUTION : Driver Singing
- Andrea Curry
The kids drive me crazy, I drive them everywhere
- anonymous
Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
- Stephanie Martin
FORGET ABOUT WORLD PEACE...VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL
- Letitia Yao
If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt
- Kevin Streit
Hang up and drive
- Jenne Erin
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
- Many people
Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!!
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
It was only a lane change!
-Susan Montgomery
I drive this way just to piss you off.
-Eddie Walters
Go on speeding, we'll cut you out (of your car ) -- Your Fire Dept.
-Alfred Stoffels
Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.
-Alfred Stoffels
Get in. Sit down. Shut up. Hang on.
-Dawn M Nyht
Caution I swerve and hit people at random.
-Eddie Walters
So many pedestrians, so little time.
Lost your cat? Look under my tires
- Eddie Grant
<----Passing Side / Suicide---->
Hang up and drive
- Jennepher Barnes
I wonder how you'd drive with that car phone shoved up your ass?
- Larry Pittman

Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
Welcome to Texas, now go home.
Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.
Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
I Cayman went.
Wisconsin: Smell our dairy air!
-Carol Ann Asiala
WELCOME TO IDAHO. NOW GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA
- Kris Fye
If Texas is so great, what are you doing in New Mexico?
- Sarah Reinhardt

DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers
-Adrian Mongeli
I may be drunk, but you are down right ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning
- anonymous
A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on
- Keith Fisher
An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.
Don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill your beer
- David Elmer
If I'm driving funny its probably becuase I'm drunk.
- Alastair
Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Letitia Yao
I have a problem with drinking... two hands and only one mouth
- Ignacio Aspiazul

Honk if you hate noise pollution
-Gurmukh Mongia
Clap one hand if you love Budda
-Greg Bishopp
Honk if you don't give a damn
- anonymous
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
- anonymous
Honk if you love cheeses.
Honk if you're illiterate
Honk if the twins fall out
- Jennepher Barnes
Honk if parts fall off!
- Tom Andrecht

Mafia staff car.
-Alfred Stoffels
MY OTHER TARDIS IS A POLICE BOX
- Wesle Dymoke
My other car is a Zamboni
- Andrea Curry
My other car is Christine, and she's right behind you!
- David Brown
My wife's other car is a broom.
- Sandra Hill
This is not an abandoned vehicle.
Do Not Wash - this vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
-Dawn M Nyht
Yah it stinks and is giving you a headache it's a desil
-anonymous
This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!
- Susan Lee Rivas

We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so.
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
I got this motorhome for my wife....BEST deal I ever made!
- anonymous
LOVE: TWO VOWELS, TWO CONSONANTS, TWO FOOLS
- Letitia Yao
Dad's the boss. Right Mommy?
- Brian Gugala

THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE
- Letitia Yao
SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE ONLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM
- Letitia Yao
Thank you for not breeding
- anonymous
YOU!!! Out of the gene pool
- anonymous
Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control
-Judd & Sara Stewart
So many stupid people, So few comets
- Letitia Yao
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Stop Inbreding! Ban country music.
-Daryl Ganskopp
When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws children will evolve.
- John W. Pope

A fool and his money are my best friends
-Gurmukh Mongia
It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
-Jowe Cromwell
Change is inevitable... except for vending machines
-anonymous
Money isn't everything...but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
- Tara Williams
Hit me, I need money
- anonymous
Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!
- Alex Grushow
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
A fool and his money are soon partying
-Alex Grushow
IF YOU'RE RICH, I'M SINGLE
- Laura Gill

Bright red meat is good for you. Fuzzy green meat is not good for you.
-Victor Burhans
Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
-Brian E. Aronson
There are only 2 choices on the menu: take it or leave it.
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables
- Many people
I like cats, they taste just like chicken.
- Many different people
If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- Cory Gallagher
Cat... the other white meat.
- Letitia Yao

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Grow your own dope, plant a man.
- Many different people
Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere.
- Susan Lee Rivas
Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds
- Susan Lee Rivas
FEW WOMEN ADMIT THEIR AGE, FEW MEN ACT IT
- Letitia Yao
I'm the person your mother warned you about!
-Lisa Leatherneck
Men aren't pigs....pigs are gentle, cute creatures!
-Lisa Kennedy
Missing, Husband And Dog; Attention $100.00 Reward For Dog
- anonymous
If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons
-Brian E. Aronson
When God made man she was only kidding!
- Amy Morris

It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Normal people worry me
- Stephanie Martin
Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, your it
- anonymous
I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY, I ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT
- Letitia Yao
Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship
- Linda Olson
Support mental health or I'll kill you
- Garett Blackwell
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles
- anonymous
If you're happy and you know it see a shrink
-anonymous
P.M.S ?!! Hell, this is one of my better days!!
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready
- Robert Hallworth
If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
-Brian E. Aronson

I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
My other wife is beautiful.
Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
Never fight ugly people they have nothing to loose
-anonymous

Us blondes aren't bumb
- anonymous
If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde
- Dana Lyon
Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
- Minda McDorman
When blondes have more fun, do the know it?
- Alex Grushow

HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST
- Letitia Yao
i souport publik edekashun
- Jill Wood-Naatz
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of it's students.
-Brian Gerards
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
-Brian Gerards
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
-Brian Gerards
I is a college student.
HUKED ON FONIKS WERKD FER ME!

My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
The question of fishing is not a matter of life or death... it's more important than that.
- Alex Grushow
Work is for people who don't know how to fish
- Mark Roach

My kid can beat up your honor student
- Mike Ralston
My honor student fired your stupid kid
- David Rasoff
My child was inmate of the month at the county jail
- Michael Foster
My kid had sex with your honor student.

Take a Bite out of Crime. It tastes like Chicken.
-Daniel Gershman
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Hug a Logger you will never go back to trees
-Phil Ferguson
Support your local undertaker - DROP DEAD!
-anonymous
Archeologists will date any old thing
- Becky Staley
Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them
- Andrea Curry
Please don't tell my Mama that I work on an oil rig... She thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehouse.
- Jack Fleming
Give Blood Play Hockey
- Douglass Laing
Guns don't kill people postal workers do.
- Alastair
U.S. MARINE CORPS.--Everything destroyed in 30 min. or the next one's free!
Support a Lawyer - Become a Doctor
- Don Smith
FIREFIGHTERS FIND THEM HOT AND LEAVE EM WET

Dole for Pineapple, Not for President
- Remy Barnes
Honk if you've been groped by Clinton
- Don Smith

Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
Eschew obfuscation.
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Is there life before coffee?
Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
Nuke the unborn baby whales.
I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.
If it's too loud, you're too old.
Wink. I'll do the rest.
Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Who cares who's on board?
Die Yuppie Scum.
No radio. Already stolen.
Exxon Suxx.
Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.
I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be. - Dorian Hausman
Pray for Whirled Peas!
- Many different people
It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers.
- Jennifer Nichols
It's not how you pick it, but where you flick it
- Allan Wise
They say you can't take it with you... But they also can't come and get it!
- Russell Chambers
Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
- Susan Lee Rivas
I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
- David Brown
I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead
- Jennie Cline
Defecation eventuates.
- Shelley Huston
Fleece on earth, good wool to ewe.
- Alex Grushow
If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them
- Stepahn Hoffman
Nonconformists are all alike.
- Duncan Frenz
Hug your kids at home-belt them in the car!
- anonymous
Car will explode upon impact
- Brian Baxter
Don't piss me off. i'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
- Stephanie Martin
Don't laugh at these fogged up windows it's your daughter in here
- David Elmer
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
- anonymous
Do what you did when you were a kid: fly a kite, go fishing hunt a dinosaur
- Stanford Le
CONSCIOUSNESS: THAT ANNOYING TIME BETWEEN NAPS
- Letitia Yao
DIPLOMACY IS THAT ART OF SAYING "NICE DOGGIE!"...TILL YOU CAN FIND A ROCK
- Letitia Yao
I LIKE YOU BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU WORKING WITH SUB-ATOMIC PARTICLES
- Letitia Yao
LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION, I CAN FIND IT MYSELF
- Letitia Yao
ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS THE PROBLEM DOESN'T EXIST
- Letitia Yao
PRIDE IS WHAT WE HAVE - VANITY IS WHAT OTHERS HAVE
- Letitia Yao
WE HAVE ENOUGH YOUTH, HOW ABOUT A FOUNTAIN OF SMART
- Letitia Yao
PURITANISM: THE HAUNTING FEAR THAT SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE MAY BE HAPPY
- Letitia Yao
End racism...kill everyone
- Laura Giannotti
Indians discovered Columbus
- Matthew Atkinson
Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
- D.Z. Jursevics
If you love your life as much as I love my car then you won't steal it
- anonymous
Hire Teenagers while they still know everything!
- Phillip Hubbell
Conserve Water; Shower with a friend
- anonymous
Let me tell you about my bowel movements.
-Julie Woodson
If you are not the lead truck, the scenary never changes.
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
All generalizations are false.
- Jill Wood-Naatz
If I roll up my windows and lock the doors, its because you smell horrible
-Brian E. Aronson
Custer got Siouxed
-anonymous
Compost happens
-Brian Gerards
Bad cop...no donut.
-many people
I'm pro choice, I choose to hunt, trap, eat meat and wear fur.
-anonymous
Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
-Dawn M Nyht
The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.
-Dawn M Nyht
Just visiting this planet
-Dawn M Nyht
Next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water.
-Dawn M Nyht
DAM : Mothers Against Dislexia
-Gurmukh Mongia
Dislexics of the world... UNTIE!!
-Gurmukh Mongia
I will never put off 'till tomorrow what I can forget about forever
-Gurmukh Mongia
Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Dragons For You Are Crunchy And Good With Ketchup.
-Kim Siegel
Where There's A Whip, There's A Way.
-Kim Siegel
Sorry, I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
-Nicole Long
HELP! I've tripped and I can't get down!
-anonymous
I said "no" to drugs, but they just woudn't listen.
- Letitia Yao
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
- Letitia Yao
One who farts in church sits in his own pew.
- Chris Potter
I do everything my rice krispies tell me to do
Earth first! We'll strip mine the other planets later!
- Martin Meadows
Very funny Scotty, Now beam down my Clothes!!!
- Martin Meadows
STOP CONTINENTAL DRIFT!
- Mert Proctor
I Hate Coffee--It Keeps Me Awake at Work.
- Mert Proctor
I want to make love in the worst way--standing up in a canoe
- Mert Proctor
There was nothing Great about the Depression.
- Derek Jackson
HELP END POVERTY--EAT THE POOR
- Sarah Konikoff
The more people I know, the more I love my dog.
- Debbie Wright
The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock
Don't show your public hair, while in pubic.
Bad spellers of the world enight!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
- Letitia Yao
Hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off now.
- Letitia Yao
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Letitia Yao
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- Letitia Yao
A friend in need... can be a real pain in the ass.
- Letitia Yao
If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.
- JC Chapman
BE KIND TO YOUR CHILDREN; THEY CHOOSE YOUR NURSING HOME.
- Don Nieding
Not tonite dear, I have a modem!
- Laura Coletti
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't
- Sandy McManmon